Wednesday 25 January 2012

Analysis of body language for dummies: The eyes have it- chapter 5


Signals sent with eyes play a vital part in revealing your thoughts and attitudes. The eyes are a gate way to your soul and reflect what’s going on inside of you.  Some people instinctively know how to use their eyes to their own advantage to garner sympathy, convey sexual interest or to deliver the message “stay away.”  With practice your eyes can speak messages you shouldn’t say. You discover how to use your eyes to demonstrate dominance, display interest, show disapproval.
The held gaze has shown to be extremely powerful. Establishing and maintaining comfortably with another person can be the basis for successful communication, giving you and the person you’re communicating with a feeling of wellbeing and trust. But sometimes eye contact can be uncomfortable, such as when the other person seems dishonest, untrustworthy or angry. Whether the interaction is comfortable or not has to do, in part with that way that person looks, or doesn’t look at you. The intensity of time she holds the look she holds you eye influences the meaning of the gaze. Individual’s pupils dilate when they are interested or attracted and are constricted when they may be feeling anger or hostility towards another individual.
You can demonstrate interest in what you’re doing or saying by fixing your gaze directly on the person or object you’re addressing for slightly longer than you normally do. The length and direction of your gaze can tell whose paying attention. Research shows that when westerners interact they look at one another on average 61% of the time.  The speaker looks at the listener between 40-60%of the time and the listener looks at the speaker 75% of the time. If someone looks at you more or less than usual something’s going on that’s impacting their response. When you want to build rapport with someone research shows that you need to meet that person’s gaze between 60-70% of the time. What about shy, timid people who find eye difficult? No matter how genuine, honest, and dedicated they are, by struggling to maintain eye contact they send out signals of prevarication and doubt. The more you get use to looking at another person in the eye the more confident and trustworthy you appear, and the more rewarding you’re interacting is likely to be. Confucius said “Look into a person’s pupils. He cannot hide himself.” It is said the reason the Aristotle wore dark glasses when negotiating business deal was to prevent his eyes from revealing his thoughts. 

By allowing your eyes to wander over your targets face and body you are showing that you are attracted to that person. Often gaze alone can indicate displeasure. Beady little eyes, snake eyes and shooting daggers with the eyes are sure signs of disapproval or disagreement. If you find some looking at you with a fixed gaze for more than a few seconds when their pupils are constricted I can assure you are in disfavour. People in position of dominance use eye contact confidently, because they are sure of themselves their eye movements tend to be slow and smooth. They’re comfortable looking at another person for an extended period of time, being careful not to stare which would make them look slightly mad or rude. Those in control of the interaction demonstrate their dominance by choosing when and how long to look at the other person.  Clinton’s gaze- people who have met bill Clinton report that he has a way of looking at people that them feel not only important but that no one matters at that point. He uses his eyes to engage his listener by letting his gaze scan slowly across the other person’s eyes and face as he speaks. The listener feels that none else is in his vicinity and that she is totally the object of his attention. If you slightly narrow your eyes you are perceived as dominant, strong and in control. Donald trump is a master of the beady-eyed glare.
If you find yourself disagreeing with someone and you would want to make your point hold the eye contact slightly longer than you would normally. Without saying a word you leave no doubt that you are to feeling dominant and shouldn’t be taken seriously. If you want to come across as a person who means business, focus on the triangular between the eyes and the centre of the forehead. As long as your eyes remain in that space and keep in control of interaction the other person reckons that you’re someone who means business. 83% of information is absorbed visually, 11% through audio channel and 6% through the other three senses.

Research in Pennsylvania found that in presentations that relied solely on the spoken word, 10% was retained. If you want your message across when you’re representing visual information during a meeting, you have to guide the audience’s attention to where you would like them to look with a pen or pencil. People tend to look at things that interest them and look away from things that don’t. The sideways glance with a smile shows interest. If the listener shoots a glance out of the corner of the eye combined with the action with downward eyebrow they are harbouring a critical dismissive or hostile attitude. If you think acting submissively is a weak or negative role to play reconsider. Acting submissively can often put you in a real position of strength and is sometimes the best way to get what you want.

When you’re excited more you blink more. Rapid blinking maybe due to normal stress, or when an individual is lying; when people lie their energy increases, and when concocting an answer to difficult questions their thinking process speeds up.

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